My friend Matt Brown is missing and presumed dead as of this past Sunday.
http://www.cbc.ca/canada/british-columbia/story/2008/08/10/bc-us-kayaker-missing.html

Matt was a bicycle advocate and an all around-swell guy. He was a part of the band “Loyal Frisby” with me, between 2000 and 2002. Matt was in the middle of a bicycle tour through Canada–on his way to Portland to begin a Nursing career with his newly-earned degree–and had reached a point of rest when this seemingly innocuous afternoon of kayaking took a turn for the unexpected. Matt planned every step of his trip meticulously. He knew when he was going to be where, with every road charted and every accommodation arranged. Tricky are these souls of ours that weave the universal web we walk. Scottish poet Robert Burns comes to mind, “best laid plans of mice and men often go awry…” and Lennon, “life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans…”

My personal philosophies preclude that birth should be the beginning or that death should be the end of life. To that end, i am confident in the notion that the soul/consciousness/life-force/(call it what you like) i knew as “Matt Brown”, with an agenda borne of love, has fulfilled its purpose in this venture–has learned what it has come to learn, or taught what it came to teach. But, it does make you stop and think about the “plans” you’ve made for yourself–be they for the next 5 minutes or the next 5 years. Perhaps in this way, Matt, though “gone” can still teach us–to plan, but to remain unbound by those plans. For some, his failure to wear a life jacket will remind us that the tightrope between relative safety and adventurousness is hairline-thin. Perhaps others will find inspiration in his adventurous spirit, realize that life is too short for “should’ve, would’ve, could’ve”, and shed the fears and false-securities that prevent them from tackling those pursuits that really allow them to flourish and feel alive. Matt answered to none save himself.

As such, my thoughts turn to those who love him, and how i can help to ease their pains.

Culturally, we do little to understand and accept death, and so when it darkens our doorways, we feel the pang of loss and the tear of attachment, as though (perhaps honestly) that we have not expected this event–which has been a part of life since the dawn of time. Even my own statement, “darkens our doorways”, associates a degree of negativity with death.

Personally, i am coalescing some ideas, or “plans”, that seem interesting to me, and which have “called” me into momentum. But who can say why i am here, or for how long…? Perhaps the entire purpose of my emergence onto this plane will realize itself in a very unexpected way, at an unexpected time. What am i here to learn? Who am i here to inspire? I may be playing a supporting role in a much larger scheme. Getting to the point–for all my “plans”, for all of “our plans”, the universe will continue to spin, positrons plummeting towards electrons.

I could be dead within 5 minutes of publishing this post, for any number of unquantifiable reasons. I may not ride a motorcycle anymore, but bicyclists get hit from time-to-time. I could be the victim of a crime, in the wrong place, at the wrong time. Whatever the case, it might seem senseless, or like “a waste”. How does this make you feel? Culturally, this is a taboo subject! But it doesn’t have to be. I’m certain: there are no coincidences, and nothing is random.

These thoughts are not born of some morbid obsession with death, but of a fascination with life–for which birth and death are integral parts. I’m moving forward with my ideas, with only the best of intentions. Should i fail to create a vision for myself, i would miss the whole point of this hilarious tango–and that is to come-to-know, or to realize, myself. But I can’t do it alone–everything is relative, and accordingly, i will come to know myself best through my relationships to others. And i’m so glad you’re part of this stellar equation!

Thoughts?

Peace, and bicycle grease,
and much, much love!