bike trippin’ — love/hate

I’ve been “on the road” for eight days now, of which four of those have been actual touring days.

In Athens, I engaged in my first experience as a couchsurfer. Having done a fair bit of hosting in Gainesville, i was interested to find how the other half lives :) And Ayla and Alise…sisters…took me in for the weekend. I’m not sure if they know just how helpful they were to me…i learned on my arrival from Decatur, GA that my panniers, while doing their job mostly as intended, were not quite as waterproof as i’d hoped. They gave me the space to >dry off< (for one thing), and amend my gear to seal the little remaining spaces that water could slip through. And they were great guides around Athens–i hope that when i have a couch again someday, they will come stay with me!

I am currently harbouring a love/hate relationship with my bicycle and my whole touring setup in general =)

In Toccoa, GA i was looking for a place to stay. The first i asked for advice was the pastor of a church (and his wife?) where i had stopped for a break on the south end of town.

Stephanie and i once stopped at a church near Jacksonville Beach and asked to camp on their expansive lawn and were shutdown. Her comment on the situation was something to the effect of having never been well received at churches, or having never been offered help from the same.

And this situation was no different. Ha, and i wasn’t even asking to stay there…instead i asked "do you have any ideas where i could stay". Both of their eyes glazed over as they mildly shook their heads "no".

In town i looked for a single open restaurant or coffee shop so i could check my email (i had found one available couch for Toccoa on couchsurfing.org and wanted to make a last-minute check to see if my request had been read). No.

About 8p, i was directed to a place called Perk Up Cafe where the employees and i chatted…and they knew the guy who i had couchrequested! But couldn't help me beyond that. No.

Having learned from the same people that the roads to Curahee (the feature that brought me to Toccoa) were washed out, i made a mental note to title this day's crazyguyonabike.com journal entry “No!ccoa”

No no no! All day, it seemed, even from the weather. I finally take refuge on the raised steps of a church several miles north of town, heading in my next general direction (Bryson City, NC)

The reason i am headed toward Bryson is because some fellow touring cyclists who live there spotted my crazyguyonabike journal and kindly offered, should i care to slightly alter my route, that i could stay with them (Bryson City is only 16 miles from the southern terminus of the Blue Ridge Parkway situated in Cherokee, NC).

But i don’t even have to wait until then for the universe to balance against the palms of rejection that flooded my direction.

The next morning i wake up and start to situate myself. Next door to the church (a residence), a man is helping his children into his truck to take them to school. I ask to use his tap, and he grants me a spin of his faucet. We talk a bit about where-i-am-going and what-i-am-doing and say our goodbyes.

I’m heating a can of lentils on those same church steps when Chris pulls back up bearing some hot food for me! Before i left Gainesville, i had conversations with friends about my dietary choices (which are most closely aligned with veganism) and how travelling might affect that choice. The perception is that quality vegan foods might be difficult to come by, or that it might not be healty/enriching enough to allow me to sustain the kind of energy expenditures that daily touring requires?

I’m certain neither of these are true, but what has occurred to me is that i perhaps should not refuse a free meal offered in good spirits. And accepting a “more vegetarian” diet versus a “more vegan” diet is almost not a question–an easy leap.

I recognize that there *is* enough food in the world, but i also recognize that our current food culture doesn’t encourage people well enough to provide for themselves, and that our educational system doesn’t include critical life-basics like tying knots or identifying local edible flora. Because of this, i can’t bear the notion of wasted food…if for no other reason than the sheer amount of energy that goes into its production.

So i had to ask myself, in the back of my mind, what i would do the first time someone freely and willingly offered me something made from the flesh of an animal. None of my friends asked this question–perhaps it seemed, as you might guess, out-of-bounds. I’m not wondering anymore.

What kind of message would i reply to the universe, if in the face of genuine generosity, i said “no thanks”.

The only stressful counter to this notion is the ideal that i am what i eat, and that in any diet there are good choices and bad choices, and i care to consume only the highest quality foods. This is my vessel, i feel compelled to care for it so long as it shall be mine to traipse around this earth–so that i may use it for its intended purpose…to ask those questions…to get those answers…

But i am only one cell in the organ called humanity. and perhaps some small leaps or compromises can create space for greater contemplations. I like that i can change my mind and my self according to what life/the universe/everything asks of me. Flexibility. Good.

I am in Bryson City now, staying with Raquel and Jack. They tour by bicycle whenever they get the chance. They are also foster parents, and are currently providing house and home to two bright teenage boys, Jacob and Brad. Both of these fellows are intelligent, respectful and interesting. I’m not entirely sure what their backgrounds are, but know they can see they have been given, as i have been given, an opportunity to experience the real meaning of human spirit through Jack and Raquel. They give so openly, and willingly! New friends, indeed. Seems they might have some west coast action next year much like myself. Sounds like an opportunity to coordinate =D

So my bicycle is working out well. I set out to create a bicycle with trailer-like capacities but without the trailer. Two wheels is easier to move around than three or four! And i was successful! And the long wheelbase makes the ride smoother. And it just looks so weird and this gathers some positive attention.

But having trailer-like capacities doesn’t mean you have to fill up all the space, and i’m finding that (while i am more nimble than with a trailer) i am not nimble/light enough. What i mean to say is that i think my ideas about touring, and the way i want to go about it are changing. That i want to be ultra-light and super-minimal, just because it occurs to me that it might be the way i want to be.

But i am happy up high on my monster mountain masher, and will happily ride it so long as it will carry me.

To Ayla & Alise, Chris, and Jack and Raquel–i offer my gratitude, for their openness, for their inclinations to share and to trust…for being positive cells in the organ called humanity, making this world the world it has the potential to be. And shoring up my faith that it is possible yet.

bike trippin’ — departures

I drove North from Gainesville today. Seems like every song on the radio was about traveling or saying goodbye.

And so i’m off! The only plan, thus far, is to leave the plans open-ended. But I have good ideas. I’m in Atlanta now, staying with my sister Sharon and her husband Adi. Tomorrow, we’ll pile in a car with their friends and head North to Madison, WI where she and Michelle will compete in Ironman.

We’ll return to Atlanta on the 15th, setting me up to pedal back out on or around the 17th. I’ll end that first day in Athens where I may stay for a few days before making my way to Cherokee, NC and the Blue Ridge Parkway. Stops in Asheville and D.C. before making my way down the East coast in time for the Horrible Hundred with my parents in Orlando. All of this is subject to change, of course, at a moment’s notice =)

I left many things behind in Gainesville, but one thing I did not leave is my relationships. I have many loving friends in town and though I feel a strong pull to make this journey, similarly I am drawn to them. To quote myself, “I think we come to know ourselves best through our relationships.” That is to say, each friendship may be a part of myself that is dying to express, or a part that is well expressed, and better with company.

In short, I have learned a great deal from them, about life, the universe, and everything. And I have so much yet to learn! And I love them.

<3

sick

Never do I feel more alone than when my body is sick.

I have better friends than I could ever want.

but they keep their physical distance, self-defensively (and appropriately) when I am unhealthy,
when I need care and company the most
this is not unexpected or unreasonable
i would perhaps engage in similar behaviour in most cases.
after all, who wants to get sick when they can avoid it? who can afford to get sick?

My family loves me endlessly.

but we are geographically separated
as debilitating as a head cold can feel, or as frustrating as a drawn-out fever can be
its senseless for them to drive hours to check in, and then drive back with them
the risk of spreading my ailment to their own families
i would not even consider asking

–

a “girlfriend” or “boyfriend”
a life-partner
a soul-mate
the one who is so intertwined
with your life that by the time your ailment rears its ugly head
they have already committed themselves to your care
exposure be damned…their interest in your health weighs heavier

their love strengthens you
helps you resolve and reconstitute
purge the pain
survive
we do this for each other
it is human nature

Never do I feel more alone than when I need your love the most.

scotland

there is a great big post that belongs right here which is missing
endless stories still bouncing around my head are finding their way here
soon

game

I had a headache last night but for some reason started thinking of card games you can play with groups of people at parties. And I wondered if I could invent my own, so I did:

ICE SKATING (because party games always have nonsensical, irrelevant names)

This game requires one standard deck of cards, sans jokers, and 5-8 players. The winner is the first to collect a 5-card straight of any suit. This game is meant to be simple and fast-moving!

The players sit in a circle, or around a table. One person shuffles the deck and deals all the cards evenly to all players. Any remaining cards are placed face-up in the center of the group:

5 players = each player gets 10 cards, 2 remaining face-up
6 players = each player gets 8 cards. 4 remaining face-up
7 players = each player gets 7 cards, 3 remaining face-up
8 players = each player gets 6 cards, 4 remaining face-up

Starting with the dealer, and moving clockwise, each player passes a single card from their hand to the next player, in-turn, and within a “reasonable” amount of time. At any time, any player may swap any one of their cards with any of the “face up” cards at the center of the group.

The first person to build a 5-card straight should lay it face-up on the table to announce their win. In the spirit of other card games, the winner may be required to yell “ICE SKATES!” or some other such nonsense else their win be stripped from them like an olympian on steroids.

If a player must leave the game early (as is often the case in party games) their cards should be placed face-up in the center along with the others.

 

I welcome any suggestions you may have–it might be fun to build in some special conditions, exceptions, or complications. I’m sure you could also easily make this into a drinking game? For example–players may take no more than 5 seconds to pass a card and must drink if they fail to do so. And of course, whoever loses–drinks!

camping

Its not really camping when there is a well-groomed and streetlit limerock path leading to a bath house having the same toilet paper dispenser as your office at work (but with 2-ply!).

But despite how close I am to civilization, I am still closer to nature than usual. Late night hot embers flicker-glow while the quiet steady waters of the Santa Fe river slip peacefully by. Fireflies make galaxies out of pine tree-tops while the distant predatory shrieks of hooting owls puncture the moonlit night. So long as I look toward the river I can’t see the row of parked cars behind me. Its quite charming!

I lay down on the earth next to this life-breathing fire and close my eyes. There I drift, exposed, in-and-out of consciousness. I am feeling close to home.

My heart beats purposefully tonight as my thoughts travel cyclically back to someone special. I haven’t known her (on this plane) for very long, but I feel I have known her forever. She and I draw toward each other in that rarest of ways that feels natural, at least, if not magnetic, electrical and inevitable. Each of us, a moth. Each of us, a flame.

But our circumstances are…not simple. Will I ever get to hold her hand again? Will I ever gaze though her sparkling eyes into a soul that interlocks so knowingly and peacefully with my own? Will I ever get to share with her another of our extrapolations on life, the universe, and everything? Will I ever get to be in love with her? Despite our intense mutual passions, the future seems uncertain (ah, is this not always the case?). But…why must we suppress this most vivid of connections, this opportunity for oneness, for togetherness of body-heart-mind?!?

I am sad and allowing myself to feel sad. And yet, my surroundings remind me that nature is pervasive and will effect the natural course. I remember this without hope or agenda, and in doing so allow myself to stay grounded in the present. And then I am happy and allowing myself to feel happy. I undulate like this day and night. ((Argh! My simple words are pathetic…I haven’t captured the true weight of my feelings, at all!))

I am here, now, surrounded by friends. I am happy for these moments, for the cool summer air, and to be closer to nature. Its time to make popcorn. The popcorn maker and its fruit are magical, turning everyone into a 10-years-old version of themselves.

The friends slowly trickle their way from the fire-circle to their tents, and eventually I make my own way to zippered shelter. As I tuck in I am lulled to sleep by the song of crickets chirping and fish leaping out of the river to catch an unsuspecting late-night insect. A distinct plonk into the water announces their success. In minutes I am dreamlessly subconscious.

…

I am roused from slumber by the call of a hawk, followed shortly by the morning-song of several unidentified birds. I spend a fair length of time fading in an out, allowing myself to wake up as slowly as my body needs. I feel rested–my back muscles are in a rare state of relaxation and readiness. My fingernails are full of dirt and I like it! I smell like campfire and this is one of my favourite ways to smell. Communing with the earth reminds me of where I need to be.

Breakfast is simple while camping-friends stumble around in various states of consciousness. The river is explaining just how people are drawn to it on days like these. I don my swimsuit and brave the cold cold cold water. How shocking! And then how soothing! Long, thin blades of river-grass tickle my legs as I swim/float back downstream toward our camp, which I pass with hoots and hollers to friends on shore (“Come on in, the water is warm!”) Why is there so much of this grass? What animal is missing that should be eating it? Where are the manatees?

A brisk walk back to camp in the brilliant sun makes my skin dry and pink. I am present and accepting of the the gift that is my life. I think of her with love, feeling a sinking void in my chest, missing her already.

loved

My neighbors invited me to dinner tonight–veggie burgers on the outdoor grill. Their seven-years-old daughter, Emeline, made these drawings of me. I’m feeling very loved right now!

They’re pretty accurate, I’d say. And according to the third picture, I’m very patriotic at night, in the woods :oD

potluck

brother of neighbor
and friend of friend
converge under the light
of a thousand glowing balls
and a million stars

pot and kettle
get together
and call each other
not a single name

we turn water to wine…no
rather, wine flows like water
until john makes an ass
of himself and I help

the embers burn
hot and late
while countless kernels
succumb to its fiery influence

we knew the moon,
while hidden from view,
was shrouded in the veil
of our own shadow

and like the moon
for at least one night
our problems dissolve
or at least hide from view

The New Woman In My Life

Chrissy & Jay took in this pregnant 8-month-old stray and gave her a loving home within to have her babies. When they decided to keep two of the kittens, they let Shwi Shwi come live with me and Tabitha. She is the sweetest!

[myginpage=newwoman]

42

Some of my friends and family are hurting, each in their own way.

I want to save them! I want to scoop them up, wrap my arms around them, tell them “its ok; you’re safe” and help them to feel and believe this is true. Do I have this power–does anyone? Solitude, lonliness and helplessness welled up from within me Sunday afternoon–the parent emotion to these thoughts. Do I have the strength right now? I should!

I need to be more self-sufficient; self-supportive. I need to make mine a cold, binary heart. Where did I put that emotional toolbox? I want to smash my head with the hammer of truth and get back to center.

I’m remembering that underneath this three-dimensional illusion, we are one. It is our common medium; I want to use it to share some energy. Energy, which despite my inordinate stress level and relationship throes, I’m still dutifully creating.

I went to Maude’s last night, sipped some green tea and ordered a tempeh sandwich. While I waited, I read several chapters from Tao Te Ching. I found peace in the following, chapter 42 (no suprise, of course–forty-two being the answer to the ultimate question of life, the universe, and everything). Sharing seems right:

The Tao gives birth to One.
One gives birth to Two.
Two gives birth to Three.
Three gives birth to all things.

All things have their backs to the female
and stand facing the male.
When male and female combine,
all things achieve harmony.

Ordinary men hate solitude.
But the Master makes use of it,
embracing his aloneness, realizing
he is one with the whole universe.

I’m trying to let go, to allow things to come and go as they will. I’m trying to do things by not-doing them (that is to say, doing without effort).

I’m not there, but the center may be in sight.